If you believe that you are better, more enlightened, or more wise because of your preferred relationship model, you may end up behaving carelessly. Polyamory relies on honesty, and this requires self-honesty. Repeat after me: my partner can care about people other than me. Any relationship can and will have problems from time to time, so…. There may be occasions where your partners have a disagreement. Neither will tearing yourself down. In polyamory, if you allow that insecurity to fester without processing and talking to your partner about it, you won't be able to function when they're dating other people. Dos and don'ts for polyamory Books About Blog.


Polyamory adds a significant layer of complexity atop the already complex job of managing a romantic relationship. Sometimes, people—particularly people who are already part of an established couple—decide what kind of relationship they want, what form that relationship will take, and then try to fit a person into that space. People are complex, and every person will have his or her own ideas and desires and needs in a relationship. Instead, treat your relationships in a way that respects what they are. Give each person a voice; you are having a relationship, not looking for spare parts! Listen to what the relationship is telling you, instead of trying to force it to be something specific. Fairness operates on a global level, not a local level; there may be times when one partner, for whatever reason, is going through a crisis or is facing problems or for whatever reason needs more support and attention. Being happy is not a competition! If you have a need that you feel is not being met by your partner, say so. Your needs are important, and even if you believe they are irrational, they are still a legitimate part of who you are. Addressing problems is never comfortable. This is true in any relationship, whether polyamorous or not. Get in the habit of being open about problems—even small ones. Listen to yourself and to your emotions; learn to be aware when something is bothering you, and develop the tools to bring these things out into the open before they have a chance to grow. Polyamory can be a very potent and rewarding way to improve a good relationship—but as sure as night follows day, it will expose the problems in a relationship, as well.

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